Crazy Poem from Six Years Ago

Since I haven't posted anything in so long I thought about putting something up that wrote sometime ago. About six years ago I wrote this poem in an airport. All I wanted to was to check my email but this was before the time I traveled with my laptop so I had to listen to a 20 minutes sales pitch from the Intel people about the new "centrino chip" to use their computer. The things I do to keep in touch with friends. Enjoy!

Dallas is hot
Phoenix was hotter
Dallas is boring
Phoenix, I was more entertained
Will I ever get on my plane?
Should I be happy
That I got this far
Since Phoenix wasn't going to let me on?
Will I ever go home
To my real bed
Not in a large King size Hotel bed?
In a hotel bed by myself
All alone, in a King size bed
Can you tell that I am bored
In the Dallas/Fortworth airport?

Valentine's Day Hate Story

For this month's writing assignment, we had to tell a Valentine's tale of woe. I decided to do my story in two different ways, the first one in a regular story telling in the first person POV way and the second in the format of a diary entry hope you enjoy both! And please note that this is a work of fiction, I swear I have, nor any one I know have, done ANYTHING like this. *But there has been a time or two where I kind of wanted too.*

Look What You’ve Done

Okay, so I’m happy. Chris, my boyfriend of the last two months, has plan the perfect Valentine’s Day for me. The only problem would be that I had to drive to his place as I live so far out.

As I am driving in to his condo parking lot, smiling to myself, my cell phone rings. It’s Chris. “Hey Sweety! I’m ---“

He cuts me off. “I’m not really feeling well. I need to cancel for tonight. I’m staying in. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Oh okay. Well I hope you-”, I realize that I am talking to dead air. He hung up on me. As I take a deep breathe and go to leave the lot, I see him coming out of his building and walking to his classic rebuilt Corvette. I watch him get into his car, amazed as he doesn’t look sick.

I watch him pull out of the lot, go down the street and I realize that I am following him. I don’t know why I am doing it but I can’t stop. I slow down the car as he parked outside an apartment building. I pass him and wait as he honks the horn. As I watch from my rearview mirror a blonde woman walking up to his car and get in. I see them drive pass me, I start to following him again. As I wonder who this bitch is, as I notice they pull in a parking lot for an Italian restaurant, the very same one where we had our first date.

From the other side of the street, I can see that they are laughing and are very close to each other as they enter the restaurant. Quickly I park, and sneak up to the restaurant window to peer in, to see them laughing and touching each other.

I run from the window not noticing where I was heading. I find myself in the parking lot, only a couple of cars away from his. I stare at it imagining myself smashing all the windows, destroying the interior leather seats. I shake my head; I could never damage his car. Even if he is an ass. But another thought enters my mind. . This one will cause him panic, distress, and several hundred dollars in the end. A smile crosses my face.

I wipe out my cell phone and call the emergency roadside assistance hotline. “Hi, oh I hope you can help me. My car won’t start so I need a tow.” The gentleman on the other end reassures me it won’t take any more than 20 minutes to get a tow truck out to help me. I calculate that should give me enough time before they finish dinner. I make another quick call for a cab to come pick me up.

Within 15 minutes the tow truck shows up, and I give the tow truck the address of a pretty rough neighbourhood of where to drop off the car. I hop in the tow truck and we are on our way.

I start to get a little nervous as the driver starts to ask questions on the rebuilt car and I plainly tell him that it is my brother’s car and I know nothing of cars. We get to the address, and I tell him to park it right in front to the fire hydrant. The driver gives me a questioning look. “My brother will be here shortly, with another tow truck. It’s all good.” I sign some paper, hop out of the truck, and wave as he drives away.

A couple of minutes later the cab pulls up; drops off at my car, and as I unlock it I can hear Chris yelling at someone about his car was stolen. As I start up my car, I know that he will find his car eventually, minus several hundred dollars, but that is the price you pay for standing me up.

I wonder if he will call me tomorrow??

Dear Diary – Feb-14-2009

Alright the night started off okay. Chris told me that he had planned the perfect Valentine’s Day for me. The only problem was I had to drive to his place as I live so far out.

As I am driving in to his condo parking lot, smiling to myself, my cell phone rings. It’s Chris. “Hey Sweety! I’m ---“

He cut me off. “I’m not really feeling well. I need to cancel for tonight. I’m staying in. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Oh okay. Well I hope you ---“ I realized that he hung up on me in mid sentence. I took a deep breathe and went to leave the lot, there I see him coming out of his building and walking to his classic rebuilt Corvette. I watched him get into his car, amazed as he didn’t look sick.

I watched him pull out of the lot, went down the street and I realized that I am following him. I don’t know why I am did it but I didn’t stop. I slowed down the car as he parked outside an apartment building. I passed him and waited as he honked the horn. As I watched from my rearview mirror a blonde woman walking up to his car and got in. I see them drive pass me, I start to follow him again. As I wonder who this bitch is, as I noticed they pull in a parking lot for an Italian restaurant, the very same one where we had our first date.

From the other side of the street, I can see they are laughing and are very close to each other as they entered the restaurant. Quickly I parked, and sneaked up to the restaurant window to peer in, to see them laughing and touching each other.

I run from the window not noticing where I was headed. I found myself in the parking lot, only a couple of cars away from his. I started to imagine myself smashing all the windows, destroying the interior leather seats but I shook my head because I knew I could never damaged his car. Even if he is an ass. But then another thought entered my mind. This one will cause him panic, distress, and several hundred dollars in the end. I couldn’t hold back my smile.

I wiped out my cell phone and called the emergency roadside assistance hotline. “Hi, oh I hope you can help me. My car won’t start so I need a tow.” The gentleman on the other end reassured me it won’t take any more than 20 minutes to get a tow truck out to help me. I calculated that will give me enough time before they finished dinner. I made another quick call for a cab to come pick me up.

Within 15 minutes the tow truck showed up, and I gave the tow truck the address of a pretty rough neighbourhood of where to drop off the ca. I hopped in the tow truck and off we were.

I started to get a little nervous when the driver started to ask questions on the rebuilt car and I plainly told him that it was my brother’s car and I knew nothing of cars. We got to the address, and I told him to park it right in front to the fire hydrant. The driver gave me a questioning look. “My brother will be here shortly, with another tow truck. It’s all good.” I signed some paper, hopped out of the truck, and waved as he drove away.

A couple of minutes later the cab pulled up, dropped off at my car, and as I unlocked it I heard Chris yelling at someone how his car was stolen. I started up my car, knowing that he will find his car eventually, minus several hundred dollars, but that is the price you pay for standing me up.

I wonder if he will call me tomorrow??

Writing Assignment - 6 word stories and 55 word stories

So I have be lagging on posting this. Our writing assignment for October was the 6 word story and the 55 word story. I wrote a bunch of the 6 word stories as I found them quite amusing. And I love coming up with the 55 word story but was able to only come up with one of them this time. Enjoy!

Wanted him. Got him. Hated him.

Wanted him. Got him. Devoured him.

God is dead. No one noticed.

God is crying. Do we care?

Saw him on the street.
Wanted to get to know him, his lips.
His eyes were beautiful, thoughtful.
Especially when unblinking, staring into nothing.
Got him in bed, knew it would not work.
Had to end it.
Not the way he would have wanted it to.
Who cares what he wanted.
I get what I want.

Writing Assignment - The Luck of Winners

This month's writing assignment was about the Lottery. Nothing weird or odd. I wanted to do something dark yet kind of funny.

The Luck of Winners

You see, it started off with my uncle Charlie. He went to the bank to apply for a loan to get his farm and this small town, you dealt directly with the bank manger regarding those types of transactions. The bank manager, whom I completely forgotten his name, told my Uncle Charlie about this draw they will be having, a lottery of sorts, to win a brand pick-up truck. All he had to do was to fill out his information on a small sheet of paper and the lucky person will be selected at random in a couple of days. And wouldn’t you know it, Uncle Charlie won.

Now my uncle Charlie has never won a single thing in his life, nor has been able to afford a brand new truck. To say the least, he was shocked and surprised. After he got some insurance for it and signed all the necessary paper, he decided to take it around town for a drive, to get a feel for it. He drove through town feeling as he was a king. When he came up to a stop light, the truck didn’t want to stop. Some folks who saw the crash claimed that they heard him screamed for the truck to stop, because my uncle Charlie saw what was coming towards him, a big ole’ dump truck. And well, that was the end of good ole’ Uncle Charlie.

Yes sir, he was the first we think, the first in the family from a bunch of bizarre accidents steaming from winning stuff. Take my sister Annie for instances. She thought it was all a bunch of malarkey. That is, until she got married and entered herself and her soon-to-be husband in a contest to win an all expenses paid honeymoon to a beach resort. Well she won. So the wedding came and the next day she boarded a plane to go on this great honeymoon. Well she gets down there fine enough, they have a great time until the day before they have to leave, and she gets an upset stomach. She didn’t think to much about it, I remember her telling me over the phone, “If this is the worst thing that will happen to me I’ll take it!” and she laughed it off. Well by the next morning, the newlyweds decide to take one last walk on the beach, and won’t you know it, she gets stung by a jellyfish. Not any old jelly fish, but one of those poisonous ones. Her foot swelled up to a size of the balloon and within hours my sister Anne was with our Uncle Charlie.

Now some folks think that we are cursed or something. Me, personally, I don’t enter any contests, raffles, scratch tickets, and never you mind a lottery. That is the worse. Poor old Dad is still in the slammer from winning a couple hundred bucks from the provincial lottery. I told him not to cash in that ticket, but would he listen to me? No sir. Even though Annie’s wedding was coming up. He went to the convenience store to cash in his winnings, and once the clerk gave him his money, a masked man came to rob the joint. Now most men would just hand over the money. Not my father. He fought tool and nail to keep that money, even to the point where he grabbed the gun just as it went off. The clerk was shot in the arm and was alive. But the police decided that it was my father’s fault the gun went off and arrested him for assault. He is still awaiting a fair and just trial.

Now these are only three of the many stories I can tell you of my family. Now I won’t get into why I only can see good out of my right eye, but let’s just say it involves a school raffle when I was a child. Now what do you think are the odds of all this horrible stuff happening within one family? Maybe one in a billion? Sounds like the same odds of winning a big jackpot. And you can have it. Because I won’t be putting in my loonie, no sir. Well, maybe if the if it is a really big jackpot….

Writing Assignment - The Old Woman's Version of Hansel and Gretel

Ok my writing group wanted to do a 500 word assignment about known Fairy Tale or a Fable, but we had to write it from the perspective of an other character. We also had to incorporate some sort of Menu into your tale. So I decided to write about one of my favourite fairy tale - Hansel and Gretel. I didn't really incorporate a menu item but the tale had loads of food items in it - I got away with it. Enjoy!

The Old Woman's Version of Hansel and Gretel

Once upon a time, there was an old woman who built a beautiful cottage in a clearing in the middle of the woods. Now this cottage was as special as it was unique. It took her many years to build this cottage, as the cottage was made all out of sweets, including the furniture.

The walls were made from the darkest of chocolate all lined with the sweetest of icing. The windows panes were from peppermint sticks, swirling with red and white. And flowers were her proudest creations, all made of gumdrops with all the colours of the rainbow

Once finished, the old woman was unable to admire her creation as she had horrible eyesight. “I wonder how long it will take to get some visitors?” The old woman was lonely as she had no children.

And sure enough, one day she heard the chatter to two little children, but before she could go outside to greet them, they had started to eat her house! At that moment she decided that these children must be taught a lesson.

“Well, well. Don't you children have a sweet tooth?” she said, peering out the window, to them. “Come in, come in! You have nothing to fear!”

Once the children were inside the cottage, she exclaimed “You're nothing but skin and bones” as she locked Hansel into a cage. “I shall fatten you up and eat you.” She smiled. But unfortunately to the children it looked like an evil grin.

Of course the old woman wasn't going to eat the poor little children, she just wanted to make sure that the boy wouldn't destroy her cottage and that both children were well fed.

“You can do the housework” she told Gretel with a smile. “Then I'll make a meal of you too!” Then Gretel smeared butter on her glasses, so she could see even less than before.

Every day the old woman went to Hansel to see if he was getting any fatter. “Let me feel your finger!” What she didn't know was that Gretel had brought her brother a chicken bone, so when she went to touch his finger, Hansel held out the bone.

“You’re still much too thin.” She complained. “When will you become plumped?”

So one day the old woman grew tired of waiting. “Light the oven” she told Gretel. “We're going to have a tasty roasted boy today!” What Gretel didn't know was the old woman was joking and had planned a lovely dinner for the three of them.

A little later the old woman was getting cranky from being hungry, told Gretel “Run and see if the oven is hot enough.”

Gretel returned, whimpering “I can't tell if it is hot enough or not.”

The old woman screamed at Gretel, “Useless child! All right, I'll see for myself.” She went over to the oven and bent down to check the heat, when Gretel gave her a tremendous push and slammed the oven door shut.

The old woman saw through the oven window, Gretel freeing her brother and eating her cottage. Her last thoughts were how she hoped they would get their happily ever after.

Another 55 Word Story - Angel/Demon

Another 55 word story I found from the same writing exercise as Nothing. I don't know which I prefer more. I am still amazed that I was able to come up with two 55 word stories.

Angel/Demon

She looks over at him. Like an angel, sleeping. Thinking about the good times, especially tonight. Passionate, caring and loving. It has been awhile.

She has to shower. Before sunrise. Before the blood starts to dry on her naked body. She hates that he made a horrible, sticky mess, Next time, she will be cleaner.

55 Word Story - Nothing

This was a writing challenge that an old writing group had asked us to do. At first I thought this would be an easy challenge but soon found out that I was mistaken. Try it some time. Not as easy as it looks.

Nothing.

Whispers.
In the night. Haunting me.
I walk down the deserted road, no one is around.
Laughter.
It starts to rain, lightly. Enough to walk faster.
Footsteps.
I hear someone.
Running.
Somewhere behind me. Breathing hard.
Panic sets in. I run, searching for a safe place. Nothing but darkness.
Pain, nothing but pain.
Then nothing.