Writing Assignment - The Luck of Winners

This month's writing assignment was about the Lottery. Nothing weird or odd. I wanted to do something dark yet kind of funny.

The Luck of Winners

You see, it started off with my uncle Charlie. He went to the bank to apply for a loan to get his farm and this small town, you dealt directly with the bank manger regarding those types of transactions. The bank manager, whom I completely forgotten his name, told my Uncle Charlie about this draw they will be having, a lottery of sorts, to win a brand pick-up truck. All he had to do was to fill out his information on a small sheet of paper and the lucky person will be selected at random in a couple of days. And wouldn’t you know it, Uncle Charlie won.

Now my uncle Charlie has never won a single thing in his life, nor has been able to afford a brand new truck. To say the least, he was shocked and surprised. After he got some insurance for it and signed all the necessary paper, he decided to take it around town for a drive, to get a feel for it. He drove through town feeling as he was a king. When he came up to a stop light, the truck didn’t want to stop. Some folks who saw the crash claimed that they heard him screamed for the truck to stop, because my uncle Charlie saw what was coming towards him, a big ole’ dump truck. And well, that was the end of good ole’ Uncle Charlie.

Yes sir, he was the first we think, the first in the family from a bunch of bizarre accidents steaming from winning stuff. Take my sister Annie for instances. She thought it was all a bunch of malarkey. That is, until she got married and entered herself and her soon-to-be husband in a contest to win an all expenses paid honeymoon to a beach resort. Well she won. So the wedding came and the next day she boarded a plane to go on this great honeymoon. Well she gets down there fine enough, they have a great time until the day before they have to leave, and she gets an upset stomach. She didn’t think to much about it, I remember her telling me over the phone, “If this is the worst thing that will happen to me I’ll take it!” and she laughed it off. Well by the next morning, the newlyweds decide to take one last walk on the beach, and won’t you know it, she gets stung by a jellyfish. Not any old jelly fish, but one of those poisonous ones. Her foot swelled up to a size of the balloon and within hours my sister Anne was with our Uncle Charlie.

Now some folks think that we are cursed or something. Me, personally, I don’t enter any contests, raffles, scratch tickets, and never you mind a lottery. That is the worse. Poor old Dad is still in the slammer from winning a couple hundred bucks from the provincial lottery. I told him not to cash in that ticket, but would he listen to me? No sir. Even though Annie’s wedding was coming up. He went to the convenience store to cash in his winnings, and once the clerk gave him his money, a masked man came to rob the joint. Now most men would just hand over the money. Not my father. He fought tool and nail to keep that money, even to the point where he grabbed the gun just as it went off. The clerk was shot in the arm and was alive. But the police decided that it was my father’s fault the gun went off and arrested him for assault. He is still awaiting a fair and just trial.

Now these are only three of the many stories I can tell you of my family. Now I won’t get into why I only can see good out of my right eye, but let’s just say it involves a school raffle when I was a child. Now what do you think are the odds of all this horrible stuff happening within one family? Maybe one in a billion? Sounds like the same odds of winning a big jackpot. And you can have it. Because I won’t be putting in my loonie, no sir. Well, maybe if the if it is a really big jackpot….