Why Me?
Have you ever heard someone say this when something very minor happens to them? Like their heel of their favourite shoe breaks off going into work or they spilt mustard over their lucky tie before that big meeting? And when you hear it, do you nod your head and say yes indeed that is a horrible thing to have happen to you, you poor thing?
Why must people in our society need to feel like victims? I hear people blaming their mother on why they can’t hold down a job or their dad wasn’t around much so they can’t maintain a healthy relationship. Am I the only one who wants to smack these people upside the head? I can’t be the only one who wants to scream at them to get over it? To move on?
I should mention that I use to be one of these people. Why did my car get broken into? Why did a close friend of mine rip me off financially? I use to sulk and whine about it to anyone who would listen. Then one of my friends told me to shut up and get over it. Harsh? Hell yes. Effective? Again hell yes. He told me that he will no longer indulge me and won’t hang out with me if I don’t stop. At first I was furious at him. A friend would listen no matter what. But to what length should a friend do this?
My friend explained to me he never has these problems because of two things: he always is prepared for the worst case scenario and once it happens there is nothing you can do to change it - unless you have a time machine – so he just deals with it.
Think about the first one – you own a car, like millions of us do. What is the worst thing that can happen to that car? It can get broken into, stolen, or get into an accident. Now for the first two, what is the big deal? Yes is costs money to repair the broken lock or glass and you might lose a couple of items, including the car. But you have insurance, use it. If you don’t want to use it then don’t, pay for it out of your pocket. If you can’t afford emergency repairs, then re-think owning a car. Harsh isn’t it? But is it far from the truth? Be honest now.
Now the second is more serious. You can get into an accident very easily. Could be your fault, perhaps not. As long as you get out of it alive, you should be thankful. There are millions of people every year die in car crashes. What happens if you are hurt? You deal with it. Yes it could cost you loads of money, you might have to get another job or worst yet beg your parents for some cash. You figure out what you can handle and you deal with it.
Now it isn’t only the victim fault that they can’t get over it. What about their friends who allow these people to continuously whine and dwell on past events? They’re no better. In some cases, they’re worst. Some friends allow you to go on and on about the same problems, rehashing the same material. Maybe they allow it so they in turn have something to whine and complain about with other friends. And thus the cycle continues. Around and around.
I am not saying that you aren’t allowed to have a crying fit or get angry when something bad happens to you. But be conscience of how long you are whining about it. Because normally when you are whining about it you really aren’t doing anything about it. You can’t change the past (not yet anyway) so why dwell on it? Do something about it and move forward. And yes I know it is easier said than done but isn’t the first step is acknowledging the issue? Why is it easier for us for be victims and ask why me when we should be asking why NOT me? Everyone goes through horrible situations; it is what makes us stronger. And for those situations that are truly hard to get past, perhaps going to a professional will be the best course for you.
And if all else fails, start working on creating that time machine.
